On Grace, Permission, and what's Real

I intermittently struggle with stomach discomfort and sleep, and recently it happened to coincide with a time when business in my practice was slow.  My first impulse was to rally and hustle to get more people onto my table, but I also knew deep down that there’s so much grace in having extra time and space, especially when my body is asking for it.  Can I perceive the grace of more time as an opportunity to color in the parts of my life that don't get regular attention?  Can I honor my needs and give myself the gift of rest, and not run myself more down to meet my ego’s needs for validation?  

That same day I spotted a human flopped out on a big sprawling blanket, a pillow under head, resting in the middle of the park next to my office.. And for hours (no, he was clearly not homeless).  Sometimes he would take his phone out and scroll, but mostly he was focused on the world behind his eyelids.  It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week - one of those kinds of times during which it could appear ‘sloppy form’ for most conscientious, “respectable” adults to be found asleep in a park.  That sprawling human had fully given himself to his task on the blanket - not a qualm or consideration seemed to crease his face.  As I looked on, I realized that his complete lack of vertical integrity, out among the sun and trees, was precisely how I yearned to be!  The complete absence of any qualms about his public ‘beingness’ gave me the permission I needed: I laid out my big blanket under dappled sun and joined him in spirit for an hour or so!  And just today, a couple weeks later, I spotted another (well-homed) human partaking in public park-napping on a blanket! Hooray!! What do you need permission to do?

In a world that constantly aspires towards greater degrees of productivity, efficiency, and achievement, I think we all need the occasional pause, throw-in the towel (lay out the blanket), and lose our vertical integrity for a space in time..  Of course, there are times when we need to push, just as those moments must also be balanced by rest.  After all, are the needs of our egos or the needs of our bodies more important?  Which sustains us?  Which is real?

These are moments when I have to interrogate my values with my knee-jerk reaction to satisfy how I think I should be (my ego).  Times like these, when my body asks for more support, are gifts redirecting me towards what’s real.  What do you consider to be real in your life that doesn’t necessarily agree with what we value as a society?  

Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 44

Fame or self (health): Which matters more?

Self (health) or wealth: Which is more precious?

Gain or loss; Which is more painful?

(translation by Gia-fu Feng and Jane English)